Welcome To Rock Bottom

…We hope you enjoy your probably permanent stay…

I’ve been here before, but honestly I don’t think it was this bad. Last week the phone got cut off, today the water, sometime in the next couple of days it will be the gas and the internet. Next week, maybe the week after the electric will go. On top of this, the hubby’s got $550 or so in fines to be paid or he’ll get a bench warrant.

Now here comes the catch 22. If we buy food, that means the hubby will miss about half a week of work. If we pay any of the above bills, that means a full week, maybe two or more that he wont have money for gas to get to work. And to think that they say you have to spend money to make money. Sometimes you have to starve in the dark and pee in the tub.

The stress of all of this has made me incredibly snappy and irritable, which isn’t helpful I know, but I can’t help it. It’s hard to be super happy that Button learned how to open the bathroom door when it means a big mess that I’ll have no water to clean up. To make the stress worse, we really can’t afford to buy smokes either, so we’ll both be nic-fitting and extra angry at life in general.

Does it actually get lower than having to teach your boys to pee in the bathtub because it takes less water to rinse it away?

How am I supposed to comfort the hubby, tell him it isn’t all his fault, that we’ll be alright, when in the back of my mind I can’t stop thinking that it is all his fault, and we wont be alright? The irrational part of me wants to just lash out and scream at him for being so stupid sometimes, how dare he sit around and be depressed at home instead of going to work so much that this happened? How dare he expect me to comfort him and come up with ways to make his mess all better? But I wont. I never do. Of course, that doesn’t mean I never will…

Someday my magical and infinite fount of patience shall run out, and the world will be a darker and much less happy place.